I didn't know love can bring so much pain, so long-lasting pain, the kind you can't escape from. Some say when you are going through a loss there are 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I've been through all of them. But what about the stage when you see something and it brings back the memories and you end up either crying or feeling hate? I've cried so much, falling asleep with tears, and still do sometimes, like today. And sometimes I felt hate, I know it's not right, I know I have to let already go and be thankful for the good you have brought to my life, but I just....it's hard, it's so damn hard. I hated you for leaving me and then because I am alone (and I'm not always good at dealing with the loneliness when I face the empty four walls each time when I come home). So I cry , and after that it feels like I let go a bit more of what has left of you in me.